Bunny Rab Rab
by BlackTheWhite
Summary: AU. Tobi goes to the mall and manages to blackmail Deidara into buying him a rabbit. The rest of the Akatsuki aren't very happy about it...or are they? SasorixDeidara and hinted PeinxKonan. Rated for Language.
1. Bunny Rab Rab

**Chapter One: Bunny Rab Rab?**

**Disclaimer: I own none of these characters.**

_**AU:**_

This is what happens when I RP and get crazy ideas in my head. Bah. / I blame the RPing for this.

--

The mall was always interesting; there were always odd things to be seen, no matter when you went. If it wasn't the fat lady sitting eating ice cream, then it was the anorexic 13 year olds strutting around like they were the hottest girls on the earth with their cheap purses. All of it made for an interesting trip to the mall, even if it was completely without a purpose. That was exactly the case for Tobi today. He had no idea why he was at the mall. It was something to do!

The male got all the usual odd looks as he walked through the doors of the mall. People always gave him weird looks because of the bright orange mask he always wore. In response, as always, he waved to them, and continued on his way. The waving always confused people! It was great. Continuing on his way, Tobi looked around the mall through the one little eye hole, trying to figure out what to do first. It wasn't like he had come here with a set mission to buy anything, after all. Though, he did have money!

There was a pet store on the first floor! Tobi almost squee'd in excitement over the idea of going to see all the cute little puppys and kittens for sale. If only he could _have_ one. Pein would kill him if he got a dog. They were all such party poopers! With a sigh, the male quickly made his way over to the pet store and went inside.

Making his way around a few people, Tobi spotted the little clear cages that all the dogs, cats, and rabbits were in.

"Would you like to see that one?" A voice asked, pointing at a fluffy white rabbit that Tobi was looking at.

Tobi looked over to see one of the employees, and quickly nodded his head. "Yes, please! Tobi would like that!" He quickly answered, trying to hide his excitement as the lady pulled out the rabbit from its cage, handing it to Tobi.

"Aww..its sooo sofftt." The childish male spoke, as held the rabbit in his arms and petted it. The rabbit, surprisingly, remained quite calm in the hyper boys arms.

"Well, let me know if you want to adopt her, or let me know when you're done playing with her so I can put her back." The lady spoke, before going to help someone else, leaving the silly orange-masked kid with the pretty white rabbit.

"I wonder..nobody would know..and Tobi is a good boy! Tobi would take care of you.." Tobi pondered, speaking out loud to the rabbit in his arms. Weirdo.

At this point, a blonde male walked into the pet store, spotting Tobi and making his way over to him quickly.

"There you are, Tobi. What are you doing, un?" Deidara asked, looking at the white fuzzball in Tobi's arms.

Ew. Was that thing alive?

Tobi looked up from the rabbit, tilting his head at the male and blinked at him.

"Sempai was looking for Tobi?" He asked, speaking in third person, as usual. Suddenly he shoved the rabbit into Deidara's face, grinning from beneath his mask. "Look, Sempai! Isn't she cute?! She's so soft! Pet her!"

Deidara lifted an eyebrow at the rabbit, slowly reaching out to pet it on the top of its head. A small smile briefly appeared on his lips, but it was gone in a flash. One thing that you don't do is encourage Tobi. That was a rule among the Akatsuki.

"If by cute you mean it looks like a deformed cat, then sure, Tobi. Now give it back to the lady, un. Pein won't let you have a pet, you know that." The blonde answered, frowning at Tobi and pointing at the employee.

"But Sempai..she needs a home.." Tobi whined, petting the cute white rabbit in his arms.

"No, Tobi. Put her back, un."

"Please?"

"Tobi!"

"Sempai!"

"If you even got her, where do you think you are going to put her? Pein would know!"

"Tobi thinks that Pein would like her. So would Ko-Ko-Chan!"

"Zetsu would eat her, un!"

"Tobi shall protect her! She can sleep with Tobi!"

"That's gross, un."

"Tobi thinks its gross that you sleep with Sasori."

At this point, Deidara reached over and smacked Tobi upside the head harshly.

"Owwwww, Semppaiii! I'll tell on youuu. I'll tell everyone you sleep with Sasori, and that you cry out his name at weird hours of the night!"

Tobi suddenly found himself in a headlock, right in the middle of the pet store, with a very annoyed Deidara hissing threats into his ear. "If you say one more word, I'll blow up that rabbit, and you, and the rest of all these cute fuzzy animals in here."

"Sempai said they were cute!"

Shit. It had slipped, and now he was definitely going to regret letting it slip, too.

"N-no, I didn't, un!"

"Sempai thinks the rabbit is cuuuteee."

"Tobi, shut up, un!"

"Tobi thinks Sempai wants the rabbiiittt."

Deidara released Tobi from the headlock, glaring at the other male. "Do not." Okay, so secretly, he really did think the rabbit was cute. Who couldn't? But being an evil guy, he couldn't openly just admit to that! Especially in public!

"Tobi will tell everyone if Sempai doesn't buy him the rabbit."

Oh. Crap. Was Tobi really threatening him? Not only was that surprising, but he had Deidara right in his palm. Deidara would rather get the rabbit and watch Tobi get yelled at then go back and watch Tobi tell everyone about him and Sasori's secret relationship they had going on. Watching Tobi get yelled at was far more entertaining.

"Fine, un. Let's get the rabbit. But if Pein or anyone asks, this was YOUR idea."

"YAY SEMPAI WANTS THE RABBIT!"

Deidara grumbled, dragging the masked boy towards the counter, picking up rabbit food and everything else along the way. Stupid Tobi. Deidara couldn't wait to see how pissed Pein got as soon as Tobi walked in the hideout with the rabbit. Oh, it would be absolutely priceless. A grin tugged on the bombers lips as he imagined it all. He could already hear Pein screaming and Tobi crying after Zetsu ate the fluff ball.

"Does Sempai have any ideas for a name?"

"Ugly fuzzball, un."

"No, Sempai! A real name!"

"Ask Pein or someone to help you when we get back, un. Stop bugging me."

"Tobi thinks that's a great idea!"

"Okay, lets get back to the house then, un."

Thus, Deidara and Tobi and the new rabbit they just adopted all set off back to the house to the unsuspecting Akatsuki members.


	2. Akatsuki Meet The Rabbit

**Chapter 2: Akatsuki Meet Bunny Rab Rab**

**Disclaimer: I own none of the characters.**

--

As soon as Tobi walked into the Akatsuki household with the damn rabbit, all hell broke loose.

"What in the name of Jashin is that?!"

"OH MY GOD ITS SO CUTE, TOBI!"

"It looks yuummyy."

"Tobi says no eating his new pet, Zetsu!!"

"Deidara, why the hell did you let him bring that thing home!?"

There was a loud slap, as Deidara was smacked in the head by Pein.

"He blackmailed me, un!"

"What in the hell could he possibly blackmailed you with?"

"None of your business! Where's Sasori, un?"

"He's in his room. Wait. Why are you walking away?! DEIDARA! Ugh. Tobi! Don't take another step with that! Go take it back, now! Konan..what the hell! Don't touch it! It's going back, right now!"

"Aww..but its late, Pein..can't she just stay for the night?" The blue-haired girl asked, pouting at Pein.

Pein scowled at the girl, folding his arms and glaring at her. Damn that soft spot he had for her, damn it to hell! Grumbling, the leader shoved past the group, barking at them as he walked away.

"I hope Zetsu eats that fluff ball! Don't come crying to me when he does!"

"YAY! Come on, Ko-Ko-Chan! Lets set up her cage!"

Picking a small table in the living room, Tobi and Konan took out the cage and began to assemble it. They laid all the pieces out, along with the little instruction book. This in itself would be an adventure. Tobi putting together something? HAH!

"I think this goes…here?"

"Why didn't you guys just get one that was already assembled.." Itachi muttered, hovering over the two, deciding to check and see how they were doing.

"That's no fun, Itachi-kun!"

"Tobi thinks Itachi wants to hold the bunnnyy!"

"No, Tobi. I don't want to hold the rabbit."

"Why notttt? It's cuteee." Konan whined, holding out the rabbit to Itachi.

"You know what? Fine. I'll hold it. Just for a few minutes." The Uchiha mumbled, grabbing the rabbit and walking off with it, leaving the two to put together the cage for the nameless rabbit.

Walking into the kitchen, Itachi grabbed a pot, just as Kisame walked into the kitchen.

"What are you making?"

"Rabbit stew, you want some?"

"Mmm. Need help?"

Kisame took the pot, placing it on the stove and turning the heat on.

"Here, hold this." The Uchiha demanded, shoving the rabbit into Kisame's arms, who reluctantly took it. Then he began cutting up onions, carrots, and other vegetables to shove into the stew.

As soon as everything was prepared, Itachi took the rabbit and laid it down on a cutting board, grabbing a butcher knife.

"Prepare to di—"

"ITACHI!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" Konan screeched, stealing the rabbit away from Itachi's hand and cradling the rabbit.

"I was making dinner."

"This is our PET, you don't COOK THE FUCKING PET YOU IDIOT!"

"But I cooked Kisame's fish that one time…and you didn't care.." The Uchiha argued.

"You did WHAT to my fish?! Is that where Fluffy went?! You bastard! I'll kill you!"

"Hey, you ate it too. Dumbass."

At this point, Itachi took off out of the kitchen, with Kisame on his heels, wielding Samehada. Loud crashes came from random rooms, followed up by loud screams.

"You FIEND! That was my HAIR you just trimmed with that fucking sword!"

"Yeah well if you don't watch out it'll be your head that gets trimmed next!"

At this point, Pein wandered into the room, almost getting run over by Itachi as he raced by. "What the fuck is going on now?"

"Kisame found out we ate Fluffy.." Konan explained, sighing as she petted the rabbit in her arms.

"Ah. Took him long enough.."

"I can't believe you all knew and didn't tell me! How could you eat Fluffy?!" Kisame whined, giving up on chasing the Uchiha around. "You guys are beyond evil! I had him for a whole year!"

"We were hungry, and Kakuzu was being cheap and wouldn't let us buy any food.." Itachi grumbled, leaning against a wall as he caught his breath.

"Screw you guys..I'm going to go to my room.." The shark-like-man grumbled, turning and disappearing as he went to go pout in his room.

"Okay you guys..put the rabbit away for the night. Tomorrow you take it back." Pein ordered, pointing at Konan and Tobi.

Both of them pouted at the orange-haired leader.

"Don't look at me like that! If Kakuzu was here he would have already taken it back, like the greedy selfish bastard he is!" Pein then turned and disappeared into his room once more.

"No eating the rabbit, Zetsu." Konan warned, pointing at Zetsu as she walked over to the rabbit's cage and put her away.

"Tobi will cry if Zetsu eats the rabbit.."

Zetsu simply smirked at Konan and Tobi, and disappeared to go off to his room.

--

_Sometime later that night in the wee hours of the morning when most of the members of Akatsuki were fast asleep…._

Pein quietly made his way out of his room, careful to make sure not to make a lot of noise. It was so early in the morning that the rest of Akatsuki should be fast asleep.

Keyword was 'should be'. Little did he know that there _was_ other members awake, with the same idea as him.

Pein crept to the living room, where the silly white rabbit was, turning on a lamp, and quietly opened the cage. Gently he picked up the rabbit, and cradled it in his arms as he moved over to the couch and sat down. God. If _anyone_ saw him right now, he would never live it down. **Ever.**

Not two minutes later, Pein heard footsteps, and quickly turned to see who was coming. There appeared Sasori, and Deidara. Both of them quickly released each other hands that they had been holding, a blush appearing on both of their cheeks.

"Pein..what are you…?" The red-haired male asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Pein likes the rabbit, un!"

"Deidara, shut up. The question is..what are YOU guys doing out here? Were you guys holding _hands_?"

Sasori coughed, walking over and sitting down next to Pein and petting the rabbit.

"It's so soft.."

Deidara sat on the other side of Pein, petting the rabbit as well.

"It's actually pretty cute, un.."

"I swear if you tell _anyone_ about right now, I'll tell everyone you guys are dating.."

"That's what Tobi blackmailed me with earlier, un. Bastard."

"So, Pein..does this mean we get to keep it?" Sasori asked, a small grin on his lips.

Pein narrowed his eyes and let out a sigh, looking down at the fluffy rabbit in his arms. "..Yes.." He finally grumbled. "It's cuteness is pure evil..I can't say no to it.."

Behind the couch stood Konan, one hand lifted to cover her mouth as she watched the three not-so-evil males pet the rabbit in silence. Slowly a smile appeared on her lips, as she turned and headed back to her room while shaking her head. "Cute.."

**-End-**


	3. Alternate Ending

**Chapter 3: Alternate Ending**

**Disclaimer: I own none of the characters.**

**AU:**

-Sigh-

My friend gave me the idea for this..I guess it's a bit of an alternate ending. I think she just wanted it to be a non-happy ending cause she's evil and loves angsty unhappy endings.

As the title says..its an alternate ending. Instead of the happy one with Pein and such..well..you'll see..

--

_Sometime that night in the wee hours of the morning when most of the members of Akatsuki were fast asleep…._

Uchiha Madara slipped out of his room, quietly making his way down the hall, and to the living room where the rabbit 'Tobi' had purchased earlier. That rabbit disgusted him, and quite frankly, he wanted it to be gone already. Long gone. Sure, 'Tobi' loved it, but that was all just the act he put on. Madara hated anything fluffy, cute, or anything of the sort.

Hell. He hated animals in general.

Quietly he made his way over to the cage, where the white rabbit was peacefully sleeping. With a soft click, the cage was opened, and he reached into the cage. Grasping the rabbit by the neck, Madara pulled the creature out from the cage. Holding it up to eye level, his dark eyes narrowed at the fuzz ball.

Rabbits really _were_ ugly..what in the hell could anyone find cute about them?

Slowly his hand tightened on the rabbits neck, causing it to start kicking its legs out as it tried to get away. The bright red eyes of the creature stared back at the male, who simply continued to watch as the life drained out of the fluffy 'cute' animal. Madara could feel her trying to breathe, gasping for air to fill its tiny lungs.

Why did it continue to fight for life when its life was so pointless? It's not like it had family, dreams, or a mission. It was just a stupid rabbit, that would sit in the cage, eat, and shit. What a waste..

The rabbit slowly stopped kicking its legs, becoming limp in the grip of the short male. Satisfied, Madara shoved the rabbit back into the cage and closed it. Not that it could get _out_ or anything. Then he turned and quietly slipped back into his room, planning to get some sleep before causing hell tomorrow as Tobi. Ah..he could already see it now..

--

_Sometime later in the wee hours of the morning when most of the members of Akatsuki were fast asleep…._

Pein quietly made his way out of his room, careful to make sure not to make a lot of noise. It was so early in the morning that the rest of Akatsuki should be fast asleep.

Keyword was 'should be'. Little did he know that there _was_ other members awake, with the same idea as him.

Pein crept to the living room, where the silly white rabbit was, turning on a lamp, and quietly opened the cage. Gently he picked up the rabbit, only to feel its body cold and limp in his hand.

"Oh shit.."

What in the hell had happened?! Just a few hours ago the stupid thing was alive and perfectly healthy! Oh god. What would Konan and Tobi do once they found out? No doubt the whole day would be filled with hysterical crying and nose blowing. Then they'd probably have to do a funeral for the damned thing! Shit!

Not two minutes later, Pein heard footsteps, and quickly turned to see who was coming. There appeared Sasori, and Deidara. Both of them quickly released each other hands that they had been holding, a blush appearing on both of their cheeks.

"Pein..what are you…?" The red-haired male asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Pein likes the ra--…why isn't it moving, un?"

"It's dead..I didn't do it, I swear. I found it like this." The leader spoke, still holding the dead rabbit in one hand.

"Oh shit..Tobi is going to have a fit.."

"So is Konan, un.."

"What are we going to do, Pein?"

Pein shrugged his shoulders, looking down at the rabbit. "I'd say buy a new one before they all woke up..but..Tobi always wakes everyone up at the crack of dawn.." Slowly he looked over the rabbit, sighing. "Someone definitely killed it. It was probably Zetsu, out for a midnight snack.."

"Who killed what?" A new voice asked, as Konan walked into the room.

The rabbit immediately disappeared behind Pein's back, as he tried to hide it from the blue-haired girl. "N-nothing."

"Tobi wants to know where the rabbit is.." Tobi suddenly appeared, looking in the cage for the rabbit.

SHIT!

Pein glanced over to Sasori, then Deidara, his eyes pleading with them to help him come up with some sort of diversion or _something._

"Why in the fuck are you fucking holding a dead rabbit in your hands, Pein?" Hidan asked.

Pein immediately smacked the big-mouthed member of Akatsuki over the head with the very rabbit he was asking about. "Dumbass!"

At this point, it seemed every member had appeared in the livingroom, all awoken by the commotion over the dead rabbit.

"TOBI'S RABBIT IS DEAD?!" Tobi screamed, plucking the rabbit from Pein and falling into a fit of hysterical crying. Or..well..at least that's the way it seemed. The mask sort of hid the tears, if there were any. Judging by the sobbing and coughing, it sure sounded like it.

"Pein, did you kill it?!" Konan asked, grasping the male by the collar of his shirt and glaring at him. Damn she was scary when she was pissed off.

"NO! Why the fuck would I kill it!? Ask Zetsu, he probably was hungry!"

"Or Itachi..he likes to murder animals for food.." Kisame huffed, casting a glare at the Uchiha.

"Get over that damn fish, Kisame. It's name was FLUFFY and it didn't even have FUR.." Hidan shouted, pointing at the blue-skinned-male.

"I didn't kill the rabbit.." The white half of Zetsu hissed.

"Someone beat me to it.." The other half muttered.

Tobi jumped to his feet, and suddenly lunged at Deidara. "TOBI THINKS YOU KILLED HER!" He screamed, as he tackled the blonde to the ground and began pulling harshly on the males ponytail.

"OW, UN! WHAT THE HELL! WHY WOULD I KILL THAT STUPID THING!"

"You never liked her in the first place!!" Tobi yelled, yanking on the ponytail.

Sasori groaned, grabbing Tobi by the arm and yanking him off the blonde. "Tobi, calm down..Deidara didn't kill the stupid rabbit.."

"No, because he was too busy sleeping with you.." Pein chuckled, immediately receiving a glare from Sasori.

Tobi rushed to Konan, and wrapped his arms around her, continuing on with his 'crying' fit.

"OY. Zetsu! No eating the damn rabbit, I might be able to sell that for some money.." Kakuzu interrupted, stealing the dead rabbit from Zetsu, who a second away from eating the rabbit.

Konan stole the rabbit away from Kakuzu, glaring at the greedy bastard. "Were going to have a funeral for her."

"It didn't even have a name, un."

"It's just a fucking RABBIT."

"Hn.."

"WERE HAVING A FUNERAL! NOW!!" The blue-haired girl screamed, causing all the males to fall silent. She pointed towards the door, glaring at them all, using pure intimidation to get them all to shuffle towards the door.

"Tobi thinks girls really are scary when they are mad.."

"Emotional wrecks, un.."

As soon as they got outside, Konan barked orders for Hidan and Itachi to dig a hole for the rabbit to be buried in.

"This is fucking bullshit.."

"Shut up and dig!" Konan yelled, glaring at Hidan.

As soon as the hole was dug, Konan gently placed the rabbit inside, and then the fluffy creature was buried.

"Fluffy didn't get a funeral.."

"Are you SERIOUSLY going to keep going on about that stupid fish, Kisame, un?"

"FLUFFY WASN'T STUPID, OKAY?!" Kisame growled, glaring at Deidara.

"SHUT UP ALL OF YOU! Say something nice about misses rabbit. Then you can all go back to the house." Konan snapped at them all.

"She was cute, un." Deidara mumbled, then walked off back towards the house.

"Adorable…" Sasori softly said, before following after Deidara.

"Fucking worth—OW! Shit! Pein your girlfriend is a bitch! OWW!" Hidan screamed, as he was smacked again by Konan, and then Pein. "Okay, okay. She was a nice color."

"She would of made a great addition to Akatsuki.." Pein muttered, lying through his teeth.

"She would of made us lots of money.." Before he could get smacked, Kakuzu rushed off to the house as well.

"May she rest in peace and keep Fluffy company in pet heaven.."

"Tobi is going to stay here and pray for her.."

"Okay..well..come inside when your done. She really was cute, Tobi." Konan said, patting the male on the back before leaving the burial site.

As soon as they were all gone, Tobi couldn't help but start laughing.

"Oh man..that was priceless..I should get a dog next…"

**-End alternate ending.-**

**--**

**AU:**

Geesus..that came out longer than expected…


End file.
